Now reading: 100 Bullets: 'Hang Up on the Hang Hang Low' by Brian Azzarello and Eduardo Risso.
Been Listening to: Sentenced: The cold white light. (all day)
Been Watching: The OC religiously. (I hate the giveaway preview ads)
Random: I get no pleasure in mercilessly killing cockroaches that roam freely and encroach upon my perfect stone wall like it was was their terrain, but I honestly believe that it is my duty to do so, because where roaches are concerned, I AM THE LAW!
Flashes of florescent orange, skinburn, splitends and hairfall till youre completely bald, flash before your eyes for a good uneasy 45 minutes (They try to bribe your paranoia with free shoulder massages but those do not work) before which, you have to CHOOSE the colour.... Black or burgendy? Maybe black. Black or burgendy? Maybe black. Burgendy or black? I think I'll go with Burgendy. Burgendy or Black? Fuck, wheres the colour chart again? Black or burgendy? Maybe burgendy. Black or burgendy? Fuck I'll go with black. No! I mean burgendy...UGH. Yes, sitting in a chair on a lazy sunday while being served unlimited tea, cigarettes, Cosmos and massages can be EXTREMELY stressful when ones hair is being coloured.
Things to do: Buy canvas before current paint supply miraculously finds itself all over the wall. Give father 256th lecture on clicking on online popup ads....I think hes getting old: ( Get this weeks breakfast stock of lowfat highfibre granola bars. Chant "no oil no fried" a 101 times before sleeping and on waking up. Plan 6 month trip to Somalia if the above doesnt work.
I used to watch WWFa long long time ago when I was a kid, around the time Bret Hart and Yokozuna were around but (Hulk Hogan was my fav tho) WWF amused me intensely in the begining but then the boredom set in with the SAME fragile scripting and two men screaming at each other like 6 year old boys over and over again, The SAME moves every single time no improvisation whatsoever, I lost interest, I liked The Rock but Triple sucking H came into the scene much later ugh, there were different belts so there was no 'world champion'. Everything just fucking went wrong and I stopped watching it comepletely.
I asked a big fan I know how he could like watching cranky big men in their leather chaddis and he said "It fullfills every mans gay fantacies" ROFL I couldnt agree more. WWF IS FUCKING GAY. What could be more perfect than 'big juicy men beating eachother up' and 'half naked women with big boobs' hanging around for the bisexual clan.
He also said "theyre modern day gladiators...." and its like "it's the same for men as desperate housewives is for women". But the only difference is WWF is filled with people that do alot of talking but say nothing.
Everyone KNOWS the damn thing is fake...wheres the fun in that? I knew it as a kid and I enjoyed it anyway but i got over it. (key word is KID here)
I dont understand WWF and I dont think Ill beable to ever digest its stupidity.
New words springing from my throat like open wounds begging to be cleaned, crusty on the outside, oozing from the inside. One time a sting, two times that, and we're even, and then there are those new beginings begging to be wrung out from this; these tiresome words that eat me from the inside, far more devestating than the ones that grabbed me by the neck and pierced my skull three times as hard the last time. Four people surrounding me, spinning me into far corners that make me want to cower. Oh world, defeat me with these five words: "You dont need to write".
BOT made me listen to a 10 minute song called Slaughtergarden Suite by Sigh, a Japanese band. I havent heard any other songs by them or by any other Jap metal band (:o) but this one just spins you. (even when youre not spinning to begin with, like I was;p) Its twisted, its fucking bizzare metal, it had a prodigious keyboard solo and the aftermath of melodic static just blew me away. Note: must Must MUST get a hold of this and thats that.
Part 2: My accident in November caused some brain damage and blood from my brain poured out of my right ear for a bit. When I stopped bleeding, the blood solidified and blocked my entire ear.
I'VE BEEN DEAF FOR TWO WHOLE FUCKING MONTHS!! Its been incredibly frustrating andtiring and upsetting and there were times I would look at a person across the room talking and just pretend to listen because I didnt have the energy or was sick of saying "huh?", "what?", "repeat that?" or "talk louder biatch!". But but but, I went to a surgeon and got my blood clot removed this morning so this will be the end of my ear-issue complaints.: )
Part 3: I'm eating a big bowl of fresh, succulent, bright, red, juicy strawberries very slowly and relishing every one of them.
*wants to sink into a tub of cold strawberry juice with ripe strawberries floating around* Weeeeeeeeee!
I conclude food if one of the few things that keep me mentally and emotionally satiated after my Bundle of Testosterone(who will henceforth be referred to as 'BOT'). This is unhealthy ofcourse and I've been paying my price for it with the excess fat cells ive decided to cultivate under my epidermis for 21 years.. It's going to be really fucking hard to ignore my everpresent desire for good food when I try a Raw Food diet to detoxify my blood. (Some of the things I had today were Hot chocolate, Sev pur, chinese chicken, beans, copious amounts of rice, and thai curry, when I was only meant to eat fruits and veggies as today is the day of my RFD) Arg.
I went to see Zinda this evening with a good amount of THC running through my veins and enjoyed the movie tremedously even though I dont fancy Sanjay Dutt (who looks like hes never seen a matress, let alone slept in one) and there were a multitude of unnecessary scenes.
The movie was followed my dinner at Stir Fry. *Tries to supress the 'instant salivation reflex' that occurs when Thai curry is or about to be spoken about* Gorged on my favourite food and had a lychee pancake with icecream for desert. (Lychee pancake?!?! I never would have considered its existance either until this evening. My BOT has good taste.
I'm going to try and start the Raw Food Diet on Monday but I'm really really scared about the 'healing crisis'. Its going to be unbearable and even though i know the results will be worth it, I dont know if I'll beable to stick by it without reverting to steroids or allopathy for my skin allergy. I suppose hybernating for a while would be a good idea.
I'm tired now so I'm going to write about an awesome song that BOT made me listen to today while we sat in a cricket stadium at twilight and 'puffed the magic dragon';p
I grit my teeth and grind my knuckles in my lap, thinking about dessert though we haven't even started dinner... I balance the mirage of 'health' with the illusion of 'hunger', tracing the thin line between them and walking the wire between appetizers and salads... My menu shakes as conversation continues, slowly trudging around the table while I'm shaking, about to vomit in disgust and confusion...
I test my limits. "Please! PLEASE stop talking, for three seconds... please..."
No response. Nothing. I jump up, and my chair falls backwards, hitting the floor with a bang, my hair swinging around my face, trying to hide me.
"Listen! LISTEN TO ME!!" I scream, panicking.
No eyes shift. The tone deafens me. I crawl down the center of the banquet platform, my combat boots dragging the tablecloth inches and inches, wine overflowing and pouring over neckties... glass breaks but the talking holds fast as I scramble through the crowded room, with shaking shoulders and fists... Nobody hears me. Finally, shoulders slumped, I slink to the door, because nobody ever has....
*********** I'm not sure when I wrote this, but it was a long time ago.
October 2005: The month before November had weeks that were veering towards mental third degree burns. That did happen and they they left scars that I hope to god are impermanent. Being completely devoid of sight and failing to understand that I was stumbling into territory that had signboards all over saying "Stay the fuck out", I entered with comeplete ignorance and "BOOM" flamethrowers all over me and someone I value intensely. There was instant turmoil of soul and a series of opressed emotions. And as we lay there with regret oozing out of my charred skin while his were still on fire, I wanted to just d i e for I really was a comeplete shitfuck for jeopardising something so veritably important to us.
November 2005: November had its ups and downs too. The first week involved going for a stoner camp! Shirota lake.. trekking, rafting, nightwalks and such but all of this while everyone was stoned senseless. Cold nights, shooting stars and secret acid trips. Shritoa 2006, here I come!
After camp I head to GOA, the land of the freeeee, with 5 people whose company I can never get enough of. Three days of toking, drinking KINGS BEER(note: One of lifes major accomplishments would be getting a lifetime supply of this), getting foot massages and eating food one would salivate thinking about. (I shall go back to Baga in May.) The night of the third day involved one of the best bike rides I've been on and then we ate one of the most delicious meals in Curlies at Anjuna after which I flew off a speeding bike and broke my skull and fractured my back in 3 places and lay in bed for a month. Pain like Ive never known, needles in my skin every few hours, pipes down my nose, throat and veins, bleeding ear, bruises everywhere, incompetent nurses, far too many pills, a migrane that lasted over a wek and a half bald head.
The scars that we tried to hide from October remained and the end of November was a month of silence and self introspection.
December: 2005: December, oh sweet December..: ) My sweet bundle of testosterone visited me whenever he could, ive eaten innumerable bars of the most common upper, undying laughing fits, all my closest friends came back from "Umrika" and I think my sexdrive flew skyhigh.(No, the last two arent related) Ive also stopped looking at our scars and I want to believe that theyve almost faded into nonexistance.
The last day of last year was bliss. I'll let the details of that be left unsaid. But what I will say I woke up next to my Love on the morning of January 1st 2006 and realized, I've never been so happy in or with my life.
